学习笔记 2 - Narcissists - 形成原因分析（可能的原因） - 小铜 的网络笔记

（中文翻译在下面）

备注：资料来源 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcX5x8zs5-0

作者：Frank E.Yeomans，医学博士、博士

约曼斯博士是康奈尔大学威尔医学院副教授，威尔康奈尔人格障碍研究所培训主任，哥伦比亚大学内科和外科医生学院讲师，曼哈顿TFP纽约有限责任公司董事。他毕业于哈佛学院，随后在耶鲁大学医学院获得医学博士学位。 约曼斯博士的主要兴趣是人格障碍心理治疗的发展、调查、教学和实践。

Narcissism is really a narrative that is spun that is self-serving it helps the person answer some of life’s great questions what is the meaning of my life, what is the purpose how do I direct my energy life is a challenge. That first you have to put effort into meeting it and there are some shortcuts or easy ways out.

One of the easy ways out is a narcissistic structure somebody who has all the answers, it could be a patriarchal family, it could be a cult where they say trust me this is the way life is this is the path toward having a meaningful life, this is the path toward goodness. And in the individual level what we see in our patients the narcissistic structure is I am x y and z which are all good, but it doesn’t quite correspond to the facts which are not so simple and straightforward. But anyway narcissism at these levels, cult family individual structures the person. It gives them something to hold on to. It answers questions they don’t know how to answer.

So when a person leaves that family, leaves the cult or in the course of therapy begins to take a distance from their internal narrative there’s a really difficult phase of distress that can be extreme and sometimes even lead to thoughts of suicide. Why is that? When you have been subscribing to a system that tells you what is, you are kind of relaxed when you take a distance from that, all of a sudden you are much more on your own. How do I deal with this situation, how do I deal with that impulse within myself, how do I deal with that emotion that the cult leader told me to direct toward this awful other group I’m supposed to hate. So we have to empathize with the difficulty moving into a more individual frame of mind.

Ok I understand what you believe now doesn’t do it for you anymore, and you don’t know what the next set of beliefs is you don’t know what’s right what’s wrong in many instances. You haven’t figured things out I understand that’s as disturbing as can be figuring things out on your own rather than taking a pre-fabricated set of answers from some external source. You’ll need be able to put together a self, that is more satisfying and adapts better and integrates better into the world around you, but it takes time.

The family communicates you know if we’re going to care about you, you have to be perfect all the time. You can never be flawed you can never make a mistake. So what we end up with in a person like that is the inability to trust another, you can’t feel like the other will accept you as you are and thus you have to live out the ideal fiction.  

自恋实际上是一种自我服务的叙事，它帮助人们回答生活中的一些重大问题——我的生活意义是什么，目的是什么——我如何引导我的能量生活是一个挑战。首先，你必须努力满足它，有一些捷径或简单的方法。

其中一个简单的出路是自恋结构——一个拥有所有答案的人，这可能是一个父权制家庭，也可能是一种邪教，他们说相信我，这就是生活的方式，这是通往有意义生活的道路，这是通向善的道路。在个人层面上，我们在患者身上看到的自恋结构是“我是x、y和z”，这两个词都很好，但它与不那么简单明了的事实并不完全一致。但无论如何，自恋在这些层面上，崇拜家庭的个人构成了人。它给了他们一些可以抓住的东西。它回答了他们不知道如何回答的问题。

因此，当一个人离开家庭、离开邪教或在治疗过程中开始与他们的内部叙事保持距离时，就会出现一个非常困难的痛苦阶段，这种痛苦可能是极端的，有时甚至会导致自杀的想法。为什么？当你订阅了一个告诉你是什么的系统后，当你远离这个系统时，你会有点放松，突然之间你会更加独立。我该如何应对这种情况，如何应对自己内心的冲动，如何应对邪教领袖告诉我要指向我应该憎恨的另一个可怕群体的情绪。因此，我们必须对进入更个性化的心态的困难感同身受。

我明白你现在所相信的不再对你有用，你不知道下一套信念是什么——在很多情况下你不知道什么是对的，什么是错的。你还没有弄清楚事情，我知道这就像你自己弄清楚事情一样令人不安，而不是从一些外部来源获得一组预先编造的答案。你需要能够建立一个更令人满意的自我，更好地适应，更好地融入周围的世界，但这需要时间。

家人会告诉你，如果我们要关心你，你必须一直保持完美。你永远不会有缺点，你永远不会犯错误。因此，在这样的人身上，我们最终会遇到无法信任他人的情况，你无法感觉到对方会接受你的现状，因此你必须实现理想的虚构。